Chapter 13 Warriors

Song Bonnie Tyler - I need hero  Lyrics Lyrics

Have you ever heard of warriors? Well, I have. it's mainly good.
No, wait. It's bad because they don't die. They just kill.

What's the fun in that? Half of the fun is when you die.

The greatest of the warriors of all time is Master Daimon, who has taught me how to wield an axe properly. Though not completely properly. He's such a strong man, he can wield a huge 2-handed axe with ease.  I'm still a weakling and can only have a small axe in one hand. It's the idea which counts, he says.

Another great warrior is uncle Jotunn. He likes to steal the rage from the mobs when we go to have fun together, so that I don't get any. He also protects me, preventing all mobs to come to my magnetic personality and hug me to death. Such a caring man, he feels like an older brother. I guess that's why he has the fine grey hair too. He's found his rogue heart recently, so he could be my long-lost brother. Or Uncle. Unfortunately he does not look like dad at all, so he must be from the mother's side. I think I need to interrogate him some day. Gently, I promise not to use the axe!

Have you heard of Brolyk? Shame. He's a great sport. Like a heart of a true rogue born inside chains. He likes to go on a pack of mobs and die stupidly^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H heroically like a true rogue. Such a bravery. Shame he's into chains. But he loves good leather, though only when it's on Gisselle. I guess she has the perfect tan. I wonder if he's oiling her too, like the chains. A Great man.

Like I said, warriors are great fun and friends to have. But they have one huge flaw. They don't die!! Not easily, and especially Master Daimon never dies. Except for Brolyk as I explained.

They're bad in digging treasures and they need to oil their chains all the time, or they rattle so much one can't sneak pass a patrol in Hall of Survivors. Which is not a place for me, though, not alone. We'll get back to that later. It might be fun to try the chains, and the oil too, and rattle them. Or... well, I sometimes do that in the basement of my mansion. Alone, when no-one is there to see.

Warriors are the cream of the cake, but I guess all those failed rogues need to have something to do, too.

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Chapter 12 Story of My Life

Song  Bon Jovi - Story of My life  Lyrics  Lyrics



Just listen to the song and read the lyrics, thats the whole chapter this time :)

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Chapter 11 About Treasures

Chapter 12  About treasures
Song Roxette - Speak to me       Lyrics  Lyrics

I love treasures. Like I love dieing. And priests who revive and heal me.

Have you ever faced a treasure to die for? 


Well, I have. Many times. And died too. Even more times.
And I have also faced treasures not worth dieing for and still died.  A lot.

Treasures are fun.

There is this nice thing I run everyday, first thing in the morning, when I'm alone. It's so refreshing and revitalising. You should try it sometimes too! All done in 4 minutes, before breakfast.

I sneak in from an entrance, grab a torch, set some cave ghosts on fire and light some candles. But take care, for there are some guards still walking around. Hide in the corner.

Go on the other side. Watch out, he's coming back now! Now quickly, fake dead!
Oh yeah! I can do that. I'm actually pretty good in lieing face down on the floor. He does not pay attention to me. I know my business, trust me!

Now he's gone, get up and run. No, wait. Stop!

Open the small jar in the corner. Wow, a guard commander's suit.
How did he forget it in here? If his suit is here, where is the naked commander running? You better watch out!

Salute the guards while you pass them. Don't run. Commanders don't run. Except when they chase you. Are you chasing yourself? I did not think so.

Last candle ahead.

Now wait and hide again in the shadows at the far corner.  Prepare your shot. Yes, you got the magic bow when you stumbled at the treshold at the entrance. No, it's not a cane, it works as a bow.

See the guard dog at front of that candle? Aim carefully and let it go. The arrow, you fool! You never make a scout.  Ok, maybe you just better play the dead again until the dog is gone. But be careful, the dogs can smell a fear. And wet panties too.

Finally go in and loot 20 chests full of treasures!

You know what annoys me? I am so weak I can only carry the load of 15 chests! Such a waste of good treasures. No, No, No, don't touch it. Oh no, that's the candle that you must never touch. It ends this dream of treasures. Always. Sadly.

I am the owner of a treasure mountain.

Lies! 

I am the owner of at least 5 treasure mountains! I wonder, in what world shall I deposit them all? And what shall I do with them? Should I share? But with whom? It starts to be a bit difficult to keep count on them all. Some might even run away.

I love treasures. I wonder if there are even more bigger Treasures to be found? And how?

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Chapter 10 The Iron

Song  Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name   Lyrics Lyrics


I think my dad is cheating on my new, hopefully to-be-step-mom.

Every so often he goes off and says he's going to "the gym". What ever that means, leaving me and new mom astonished and dieing with the others. Which is a good, though. But not for family relations.

He says he likes to 'pump the iron'.  That sounds perverted to me. How can you pump iron? He must know some dark things yet undisclosed to me. Some days I wish I were my dad. I  know pumping of water, but where is he pumping the iron to?  And why? I  know also how to stick a dagger into something, but you can hardly call that pumping, you just plug it and out once. Well, sometimes a bit more times. But I would not call that pumping. And it would be a disgrace to call a fine dagger iron.

A dagger, or any good weapon is made of steel. Before you silly mages say anything, let me remind you that your wooden sticks are not weapons, not even threats. They are good only as pokers when you need to take care of the fire. And to burn too. That's why you silly mages have those sticks.

Back to weapons. The sharper, the better. It takes a real blacksmith to forge a weapon. Like my uncle, master Jotunn. He can make anything from a nice chunk of ore and wood, refine them into molten alloy and then caress it with a heavy hammer and finish with whetstone. Marvellous, you should see him work  some steel. He does not even break a sweat while doing it.


I can work with a forge and anvil too! But all I can do are some small shiny things. They're quite nice though, I like to wear them sometimes, though they make me look like a christmas tree of some sort. Like those you see in Logar.

But boy do I hit heavily when I use them! Wow. I can even beat my dad when I have those shiny things on me. Not beat him like to death, but beat him in beating trolls. I call those shiny things "beat dad in beating the trolls, dragons, plants, chupuras, beetles, machines and all mobs accessories".

I guess I could do something nice too if someone wanted. For a reason.


But iron? Dad, I'm worried. About you. And stepmom. Not me. Not this time. Which leaves me puzzled.

Last nigth stepmom was so sad, with dad gone. Maybe I need to do something?  He's told me to do what the stepmom says. What can I do?

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Chapter 9 Titles

Song Madonna - Like  a Virgin      Lyrics: Lyrics


Now, let me tell you about titles.

They are awesome. Well, to be honest, not all are awesome, they are mostly quite dull. But the getting them is the fun part.

Like chasing a chicken, it's fun to chase a chicken but the fun ends when the sharp edge of an axe finds the neck. That's the end of the chicken, don't put your fingers in there or they end up with the chicken too! Afterwards you have just two pieces of a chicken and a bloody axe. But sometimes you get a title too.


I was once walking around, after exploring new corners of the world. Recovering.
Meeting friends at the Howling Mountains. Like grand step-auntie Agnes.  She's always been talking nice to me when I walk by her on may way to the auction house to get rid of all the junk I've gathered in my bag. She is not interested in the junk at all, she's a bit tired since she has trouble sleeping in the night. I think it's because she does not flex her muscle enough, she just stays there and talks all the time.

Then I met my new step-mom there. Though she was not yet my step-mom, but I had seen her with dad quite often already. I think she was checking us out at that time. Trying to make up her mind.

Suddenly this lady says she wants to introduce me to the Cavern of Trials.

She explained she could gain a title with me and that's what she really desires. She needed my hand to help her down there.

- Well, I have nothing else to do, so I could please the lady, I thought and went off with her. If dad is not here to take care of things that must be done, then I'm the man in the house. Or village. Or in the world. Same thing, once we take over the world.


So, we got to the the cave eventually. The entrance was pouring with some slime. We passed them  quickly and got inside. Everything so nice and tidy. Like a home. Except my home is a mess. So it's somebody else's home.

- This is not right, said the yet-to-be-new-stepmom. Something is missing. There are supposed to be some little things around, she explained.

Maybe it was her home, since she knew something was missing? Or is she a frequent visitor? Who knows. At least I don't. Or didn't at that time. Now I know better.

- Ok, let's get some professional help then, I gave up. When a lady says no, what can you do?

Well, we got the help quickly and rushed back to the cavern. I won't tell you about the help. It's so humiliating to get a child to help you. I was really hoping that now it would work out properly.

Now, before we continue, I must confess this was not my first time doing this stuff. I had once tried the thing years back. All alone, in the night, with a bump. Now, with this lady, it was totally different! No bumps at all. But don't tell my step-mom, she does not need to know. I was excited to do this with company.

- The first time I made this, it made my stomach full, she confessed.
- Wow, she must have some appetite, I wondered.

Again, in the cavern, with the to-be-my-new-stepmom. And the little things. I started to play with those little pests but she called me to come quickly. Always in a such a hurry, no time to play around at the entrance, so I kindly proceeded.  There was something coming at her. So, I rushed in, knocked it down and checked the treasures, like I always do. Damn. She got there before me. 

- Awesome, so this is how you do Titles?
- Yes, and you were very good at it. I want to do more Titles with you.
- Yippee, I am now The Trailblazing Explorer of her Cavern of Trials!

Titles are nice.

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Chapter 8 Relationships

Song: Leningrad Cowboys & Red Army Choir - Happy Together  Lyrics: Lyrics


Relationships are complex.

And for you mages: I don't mean the ships that float over water until you have silly mage with a fiery ball and then you get your panties wet  kind of ships.



Jotunn is such an inspiration to me I grow bigger in size. Not like that! He also prolongs my life, which is good. More life means more time to kill and more mobs to attract. I hope I have similar affect on him. Shasta the silly mage also inspires me, but he's not as good as the Great Jotunn, that's because he's a mage. Taotacan the scout is quite promising on this field too, but being a scout, she's noway to match the Great Jotunn. Good to look at though...

My step-mom makes me feel myself so talented I think I could do anything in the world! Such an inspiration. I hope I'm some kind of an experience for her, too.

Daimon the Demon Slayer (which makes him one, too) is a Master to me. He's awesome. We're so much different at every aspect, we get a long so nicely. I must tell you about him some day.

It seems, I'm an occasional experience for Gisselle too. Which makes it quite fun. She's nice but I'd say too slender, I always mix her and her huge bow.

I have several close friends who help me to dig better treasures. That's very nice! I love friends. And treasures. And dieing.  A treasure to die for, like the Dad says. He also says, one must die before a good treasure. Usually that means me, dad or new mom, or all of us. I love a good family wipe! And Treasures also. I need to tell you about those too, some day. 

Mayaserana is a great friend to find treasures with.  And to look too, though she is a bit twisted, you know. Shh..  She likes e-l-v-e-s. shame. But she has great arms. And legs to run with. And nice sharp blades. Oooo. she's dangerous, mind you. Poor elves.

I have this huge mountain of shiny steelcovered friend Knighttemplar, who wanted to bond with me somehow, but then he decided not to, since I was not his family.  This is so complicated.

I've heard there is yet some kind of extra level of relationship, but I'm yet to discover it. Maybe I need to gather more friends around to discover it, if it's like a Treasure?

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